She praised the benefits of inner-city life over the suburbs, despite her neighbour being stabbed to death. They exercised discipline, but not understanding; they approved of togetherness, not individuality. She recalls being belted at school, being bullied in the playground by having half-bricks hurled at her and being compelled to go into the town centre wearing a badge marked cheat after her mother had found her peeping at the wrong squares in scrabble. Men not given to poetry would show signs of emotion when in after years they remembered the sky being lit up when in the evening the furnace doors in Colvilles were opened, and a brightness seemed to prance from cloud to cloud. Orr writes that she felt her mother should have, at some point, drawn a line rather than spend the rest of her days grieving the loss of her husband. Early in Motherwell, it seems that Win is the engine of all this painful self-loathing, but then we see John, Deborahs father, who is either an unskilled labourer at Ravenscraig (Deborah) or a trained engineer (Win). The Orrs (there was a brother, David) lived an orderly modest life and in this revealing childhood memoir Orr calls her girlhood home "a psychological citadel" where mother knew best, ruled the roost with few arguments and is described as "vivacious and terrifyingly well-organised". In 1997 Orr married writer Will Self, gravitating towards a man who seems to have repeated the behaviour and attitudes of her mother and her father, emptying her of self-respect. Anthony Quinn There I met Tim, with whom I formed the most normal and equal long-term relationship Ive ever had. What makes China tick? I got pregnant again shortly after this. Above all she admits to being seared by an incident when she took her mothers nail varnish to draw macrame designs and lied about the disappearance of the little bottle. [1] She was also a columnist for The Independent. According to the publication her "refusal to suffer fools was legendary", as was her "pitch-black humour". Motherwell, with its fierce Catholic-Protestant divide Lanarkshire apartheid lent an extra shade of gloom to the scene. The poet. On reading it, I thought again of how Kenneth Tynan once said he could never really love anybody who didnt like Look Back in Anger. Personal identities were shattered. In the 50s, it had an inspired coach and produced Olympic champions, another source of municipal pride. Newsquest Media Group Ltd, 1st Floor, Chartist Tower, Upper Dock Street, Newport, Wales, NP20 1DW Registered in England & Wales | 01676637 |. [1] From 1998 until her death, Orr worked as a freelance journalist. She wasnt from the slums herself, she was from Essex, but her husband was local and she loved their new house for being much more than a house, initially feeling they were renting a big new idea as much as a dwelling. There, sitting on an armchair in the living room, was my tearful mother, holding in her hand a letter Id written to Crispin, my bag in which Id put the letter, stamped, addressed, ready to send at her feet. On the west coast of Scotland they have as many expressions for embarrassment as the Inuit have for snow. [2] Early life and education [ edit] Orr was born on 23 September 1962 [3] to Winifred "Win" and John Orr, a factory worker. It did not stop us prowling about the locality. None of them even knew how to do a pan of chips, let alone put out a chip-pan fire, which as far as I was concerned were the basic survival skills. Quite right too. Orr knew it was hard to speak up, and I believe she hoped for a new openness, to take charge, to take complete control, of my own family, in my own words.. I didnt set out to do so deliberately. David was a handsome, healthy, condent kid who became a very attractive young man. Some basic help and starters when you have to write a tribute to someone you love. But the rest, the education bit? Gripping both of my hands with one of his, he started to punch my head. The comments below have not been moderated. Deborah (pictured), aleading Fleet Street columnist, said her younger years were like growing up in a religious cult without the religion. To plant trees in memory, please visit the. It took six seconds for that huge, blue gasometer and those massive elegant cooling towers to come down After the site was decommissioned, its buildings flattened and shovelled away, its earth decontaminated, there was just a big hole, in the town, in the shire, in so many peoples lives. The local council let off some balloons, to represent every person whod ever worked there, and the Orr family went home, like many others, to live out their myth of survival. If you would like your comment on this piece to be considered for Weekend magazines letters page, please email weekend@theguardian.com, including your name and address (not for publication). It is only the recent history of the town that interests Orr and we will come to that, but its story stretches back. When it was late enough in the morning I went back to Deborahs, pretended that Id had a nice time and said that something had come up, so I had to get the train back to Motherwell right away. The services of food banks have never been more in demand. I dont think that counts as pasta., Well, thats a bit strange, I must say. Theyd snort. The feeling of loss is unbearably intense", "Listening is fantastically powerful and soothing we need more of it", "Black and white and not red all over: the incredible shrinking Guardian", "The Damian Green fiasco exposes Theresa May as a trapped and wounded leader", "Is an Israeli life really more important than a Palestinian's? Writer John Niven was given an early copy and predicted it will be "a huge hit". That was everything to Win., She had shown promise as an artist, though destroyed her work old nonsense, taking up space. For a time the couple were glamorous fringe bohemians of the Groucho Club set and put on lavish parties. All the time, Deborah is looking at Win and asking: Did she mother well? But she also asks who she is herself, how capable, how good. Our parents are the making of us from their DNA to their mad ideas about propriety, of not getting above yourself, not being different. Strangely there is no recognised term for inhabitants of the town. Shed sulk for days if you ate a meal out, as she interpreted this as criticism of her cooking, which in fact was terrible. In other countries, such as Italy, non-metropolitan centres have retained their dignity and have cultivated a history of their own, but in, READ MORE:Our new favourite boxset: The Windsors. It was when she opted to study English at St Andrews that problems with her mother peaked. This is a career then, is it?. Motherwellian sounds merely odd. Every time my parents made a seismic intervention in a relationship, I ended up pregnant. There is great accuracy in the books sociological depictions, great courage in its manner of uncovering family secrets. I just had to tough it out. The incident is such a perfect example of infantilisation that it doesnt even qualify as a metaphor. [22], She died of breast cancer in October 2019, aged 57. In 1388, Sir William of Dalzell lost an eye at the Battle of Otterburn, but two years later when peace had been re-established he attended a tournament in England arranged by Richard II. Later when the Orr family is threatened with rehoming to a newly built tower block there is a fierce denunciation of the 1960s high-rise social housing experiment. And what a remarkable book it is impassioned, angry, tender, pathetic, honest to a fault. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. . Wins existence, for example, was ordered by the choices of the menfolk. I told them that university studies were really hard, which they were not. Deborah Orr claimed he went through home putting stickers on 'his' belongings He said she was 'suffering a mental breakdown', so would not take part in divorce Ms Orr also claims Self guilty of 'mental cruelty and adultery' during marriage It wasnt like everyone was leaping about, doing arabesques. I was living in Edinburgh and, like most people from mining families, I was going on the demos, helping with the collections, attending the fundraisers. VideoOn board the worlds last surviving turntable ferry, I didnt think make-up was made for black girls, Why there is serious money in kitchen fumes. We are doing this to improve the experience forour loyalreaders and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. Here was another one. There is now a tentative heritage industry in Motherwell, but it passes by the people who live there. The municipal centre has been displaced, but near the old town hall there are inscriptions on the pavement indicating significant dates in municipal history, ancient and modern, and even a column proclaiming the achievements of those who passed this way. People like to write about their peoples defiance, not their subservience, so this is a post-industrial story we have not quite heard before, allowing a genuine flushing-out of shame and fear about the whole condition of the British working-class, as it used to be understood. I think she felt that I was throwing money at her, as if she was a problem. We are lucky at The Herald. She was predeceased by her granddaughter, Aliyah; her brother, Richard; and her sister, Maureen.Funeral services for Deborah are private and will be held at the convenience of the family. I decided when my Enterprise Allowance money ran out you got it for two years that I should go down south, where the jobs were, just for 18 months or so. It also meant I had to spend every holiday with them. I was too naive back then to call it what it was, which was rape. Deborah Orr, award-winning journalist. The comments below have not been moderated. Her father John. Grief researchers say holding that missing funeral service, even a year or more later, can still help us heal. This time I went private. Journalist Deborah Orr completed a memoir before she died last year, aged 57. Not so the people responsible for their vandalism towards a great industry and a way of life. I may even have erected a wall of pillows down its middle. Motherwell is written. This site is part of Newsquest's audited local newspaper network. All was well. In 1990, she was hired by The Guardian where, in 1993, she became the first female editor of its Weekend magazine and later its literary editor. The family lived at 18 Clyde Terrace, a timber-clad, typical two-storey dwelling in the middle of others much the same, and she recalls the bureau that stood in the corner of the living room, overseen by her mother, Win, who managed all its papers, all its memories. Instead, Id go up a lot. If youre lucky. Much later, after the party had long dispersed, after I was in bed, drunk, half asleep, he slipped back in through my unlocked door, took off his trousers, got into the bed, silently fucked me, got up, put on his trousers, then left. The second-last time I ever saw my mother was in 2013, when we spent the afternoon in New Lanark, a place my family loved. Fans appreciated her muscular style and voice. Consider offering these words of comfort if you're not sure what's appropriate. I did it! The National Health Service has been plunged into a financial and staffing crisis, yet still has to soothe the dented ego of Richard Branson by making a payout to Virgin Care. Surely youve been to FRANCE? Join Facebook to connect with Deborah Orr and others you may know. On October 1, she tweeted: I live in Brighton now! Orr tells the story of her vexed relationship with her parents, John and Win, who came as close to fulfilling Larkins famous warning (of parental damage) as a mum and dad ever did. Ah kent his faither, or mither, is the most withering of Scots contempt. The grounds contain the remains of a 12th-century chapel dedicated to St Patrick, now the mausoleum of the Lords Hamilton of Dalzell. It should also be dangled in the faces of one-nation opportunists, for whom working-class communities only become real when they vote Conservative. Eventually, John and Win announced that they had decided that I could go to St Andrews, but only if I promised that I would come back home to live when my course was complete. I was unable to face them, yet full of guilt about it. In the last couple of weeks, it has received great but bemused attention in the literary journals of London, on the BBC and now in New York with the publication of Deborah Orrs book, simply entitled Motherwell, (Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 16.99). Orr said later that they had "had no idea how to promote co-operative working". Its arguable that the happier ones childhood, the less one recalls of it. I wandered the streets for hours, thinking about going to the police and how unlikely they were to take my word against his. When her divorce was finalised last year she bought a house in Brighton. I waited until he was deeply enough asleep and crept out. But Deborah was always honest: so I will be too. We still hadnt had the talk, the one I always longed for, that would straighten everything out. READ MORE:Jo Swinson 'considering' running for Willie Rennie's Holyrood seat. At some point well into adulthood she went into psychotherapy, and was introduced to the concept of narcissism, which becomes the dominant touchstone in her analysis of everything and everyone, particularly of her parents, Win and John. Id been shocked by this encounter. ITALY?, What? Wins powerful influence over her daughter was entirely negative: I didnt want to be like her, didnt want to be married, didnt want to live through my husband, didnt want to force my kids into being my subservient companions.. She said instead that she wanted me to push her down to Airdrie town centre in the very rudimentary wheelchair to look around the shops. The gifted Deborah Orr was the latter. The people of Motherwell were used to being part of something much bigger than themselves, her daughter writes. I once saw some letters sent to David Gibson, Glasgows messianic early 1960s housing convenor he took seven sugars in his tea, his wife said which came from citizens desperate to escape the slums. They reluctantly gave me permission. I feared her. Motherwell shows, chapter and verse, the ravages of individualism, yet it also has the guts to demonstrate how working-class identity may be weaponised for intolerance, and snared by eager bigots into voting for its own dissolution. She and I would be friends. I stopped drinking alcohol. Deborah Orr who died last October of cancer aged 57, left behind a memoir . Editors' Code of Practice. MOTHERWELL: A GIRLHOOD by Deborah Orr (Weidenfeld 16.99, 304 pp). By then it was, all of a sudden, far too late. I did still want Win to view me as a good daughter. She writes about the history of violence and sectarianism, the scars they leave, and slowly, with a reporters skill, she shows the interior life of her people. My pride wouldnt let me admit to Win and John that theyd been right and Id been wrong. Following a diagnosis of late stage four cancer this summer, a decade after she was treated for breast cancer, she tweeted about her condition, from severe pain to insomnia in the small hours to her advice about what not to say to cancer patients, especially: Is there anything I can do?. At school she was ruthlessly bullied. You may want to read Twitters cookie policy, external and privacy policy, external before accepting. I believed then, and still do, that the world was flat, and contemplated unwary travellers tumbling over the edge somewhere beyond Motherwell, if there really was anything beyond Motherwell. 'My little boy is soon going to be a big brother': Hollyoaks star David Tag announces his partner is pregnant with . I thought thats what you were trying to say. I felt that Id deserved this experience of sex for leading him on. But what did I know? A further complication is that Win was. But I also knew that I was going anyway, and that, for all their talk, Win and John couldnt stop me. It is curious that so many Scottish place-names had Catholic names which survived the Reformation. A Gannett Company. As a subscriber, you are shown 80% less display advertising when reading our articles. It is important that we continue to promote these adverts as our local businesses need as much support as possible during these challenging times. FBI hunt 'armed and dangerous' shooting suspect. (modern). Still do" - raised by a steelworker father, John, and . The crowd was sparse, she writes. Motherwell is a frustrating book that raises as many questions as it answers. This was when I stopped living in a domestic environment where I constantly felt undereducated. She wanted the same for her clever daughter, who duly went her own way after attending a local comprehensive school, Garrion academy, Wishaw, and collecting an MA (1983) from St Andrews University, where she had studied English. And I wanted to. When Deborah was born in 1962, and brother David four years later, you sense that neither parent had the imagination to cope with them. It helps to regulate the feelings of shame Within the family, Johns expressions of contempt for others got him lots of attention., Orr grew up in an atmosphere of what she calls performative hate. But I loved it too. She sulked until I gave in and took her down to Airdrie, finding it hard to stop the wheelchair from going too fast on the way down, sweating with the effort of pushing on the way back up. It shouldnt really matter, but it does, very deeply, in the Orr scheme of things. These moments were offensive to local pride, which was real. Unfortunately, though, these important debates are being spoiled by a vocal minority of trolls who arent really interested in the issues, try to derail the conversations, register under fake names, and post vile abuse. I had met Crispin in my first year. This website and associated newspapers adhere to the Independent Press Standards Organisation's I got a job as a typesetter, then a job with a trade magazine for sales directors. Wed already had our subdued and puritanical Christmas, just the four of us, a turkey crown and elaborate disappointment with the gifts Id brought. It is ever thus. Id asked them not to, but Win had explained that since they were my family I should have no secrets from them. Arrangements are under the care of the Miles-Sterling Funeral and Tribute Center, 100 Worcester Road, Sterling.To share a memory or to offer an online condolence, please visit the "Tribute Wall" on this page. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. After the death of both parents, she and her brother broke open a bureau which had been the domestic holy of holies, inaccessible to them and to their father, where her mother kept mementos of stages of family life. We talked. I left on the first train after that night of reckoning, for Edinburgh, and a happier start to 1983 with Crispin. Still do., At St Andrews, with her Clyde Valley accent, she at first found herself somewhat out of place among what she called Englands hunting, shooting and fishing crowd, she wrote last year. Orr is well aware of the history of her town, but it is contemporary history, the disastrous changes wrought in her own lifetime, which interests her. ORR, Deborah Ann 53, of Gulfport, passed away Sept. 13, 2011. [2], Orr was born on 23 September 1962[3] to Winifred "Win" and John Orr, a factory worker. Later on she mentions he found out his parents were both famous actors and hints strongly that Crispin was born out of rape or some impropriety. "[12] This statement, viewed by many as antisemitic, was the subject of criticism. No decent man would look at me now, let alone marry me. The journalist Deborah Orr, who has died aged 57 after suffering from cancer, was a strikingly original character, and made an impression in whatever she did. Soon enough, however, the town of Motherwell, in the Clyde valley, is a scene only of desolation. Spaghetti hoops from a can was the height of exotic dining. The proudest feature of her fathers life, according to him, was that he had never missed a days work in his life, a boast that persisted even after they made him redundant. That night my mother rounded things off by adding, as some kind of double-edged sweetener, I love you, Deborah. Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. The life of Motherwell was seen as an experiment that failed. One time, when Id let it drift for an entire week, and when Win finally called me, her voice dripping with angry contempt at my neglect and disrespect, I shat on a newspaper on my bedroom floor rather than tell her that shed woken me up at shameful Sunday noon.